Mining for Gold

What could it mean to ‘be myself’
            when what I am keeps changing?
Just following the whim of the moment?
            That’s problematic, as I’ve found out.
What else am I made of? Ingrained habits,
            native abilities, default emotions,
            personality traits, learned skills. . .
Are any of these ‘me,’ except accidentally—
            things resulting from what happened
            to me—genetics, history?

Who am I, then, underneath everything else?

Words can’t pin it down,
            but I know it when I feel it—
            that feeling of being here,
            inside my own skin, exactly
            the specific person I am
            and no one else—
Experiencing these thoughts, feelings, sensations,
            connections with others, the cosmos—
            not needing to judge or change anything,
            even the less-than-pleasant parts, because:

            feeling myself
            exist as a living whole
            is worth anything.

How do I get to that state of being from here?

It’s unlikely I’ll find an answer in words, I bet,
            but just the asking, the deep need to know
            might be the crucial factor,
            leading me to pure gold.
Keep digging.

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